There's a flaw in my software...

Yesterday was sunny and warm, and, unaccustomed to the shift (and, frankly, enjoying the heat) we didn't draw the shades in the living room when the afternoon sun began beating in -- which meant the bedroom was unusually warm (since we also hadn't opened the usual window -- hey, we're adjusting here!) when bedtime rolled around.

So, after tossing and turning a while, I decided to come down and play with some more images -- surely THAT would put me to sleep! -- and this is what emerged. 

I think it may actually be a result of a flaw in my software; I'll be interested to see if that particular feature is still there after I re-start my computer.  But while it lasted (and you can be CERTAIN I'll try this trick again!) it brought amazing depth and interest to what started out as a picture of a ceilling.

But of course, that's the thing about flaws -- they almost always contain extraordinary treasures and opportunities.  Which means, I think, that, rather than berating ourselves for our ongoing mistakes and bad habits; for all the ways we derail ourselves and fail to live up to what we know we could be capable of, "if only...", it might be more productive to take a closer look; to get to know the inner rationale behind those repeated choices. 

As I read this morning in John Welwood's book, Toward a Psychology of Awakening,  "What is often confusing is that our inner resources have become so interwoven with our defensive strategies that we do not know how to sort out the gold from the dross within ourselves.  Yet... if every defensive pattern contains hidden intelligence and resources, this means that we do not have to reject the defensive personality.  Instead, we need to crack it open, so that we can discover and gain access to the intelligence and resources that lie hidden within it."

I really like that.  I'm tired of being at war with myself; I'd love a chance to welcome the stupid and unappealing parts of myself back into my heart and put them to work for good...