Monday, May 16, 2011
I actually really like this image -- and when I showed it to my husband he immediately noticed it would look great printed on metal. But it feels a little compressed to me; not as spacious as I would like. And I can't see a way to fix that without destroying the grace of those curves.
Which, I realize, is a perfect mirror of how I'm feeling this morning. Jack Kornfield, in The Wise Heart, encouraged me to do a walking meditation this morning, to get more in touch with my body. Not an outside brisk walk, but a slow, carefully paced, inside walk, up and down the hall, 10 to 20 paces, back and forth, paying attention to my body.
So I did that for 20 minutes instead of sitting as I usually do -- and I did it partly because I'd been reading in another book about inner spaciousness, and was realizing I haven't felt that much lately. Maybe, I thought, if I can't get back to that meditating in a chair, walking could help?
I'm not sure it did, but I did notice that it stilled a lot of the chatter that's been going on in my head during meditation lately. And it feels like it will be good for me to walk for 20 minutes a day: it's not aerobic exercise, of course, but the muscles that hold me upright have been getting a little soggy with age, so I'm thinking this is a good thing.
But what do I do about this feeling of compression? As I walked, it felt like my body -- maybe, like 80% of it, was filled up and sort of sloshing with not-me, with thoughts and feelings and judgments that aren't really mine; they're shoulds and rules and opinions and expectations I've been carrying around with me since childhood that need to be released so real-me can breathe and get some perspective.
Easy enough to say, but how do you open up some space in a life without disturbing the grace of it? Is this a purely internal activity, or do external steps need to be taken as well?
And now I see that walking meditation is a way of simulating external steps. Hmm. I guess I'll just keep doing that for a bit; see where it takes me!
Posted by Diane Walker at 8:31 AM