Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Creative conflict

One recurring theme for me -- and, I suspect, for many women in my age bracket -- has to do with knowing and acknowledging what I want/need/like, and acting on that knowledge.  And I'm realizing that these images I've been creating lately are a way of working through that process; of learning to listen to my own deep inner yearnings and acting on them.

... which can be pretty amusing, in cases like this one: this is how the picture evolved: I saw mountains, and a statue, so I added mountains and a statue that seemed to echo the shapes I was seeing, and then I played with the colors around them until they were visually satisfying.  So now, when I look at this image, it feeds me -- especially the colors -- and yet some other part of me (frankly, I think it's my mom!) is recoiling in horror from the image: it's cheesy, it's tacky, it's way too Kincaid-like, and OMG, did you have to add the Virgin Mary?  Catholicism is tacky, and so is She!

...and then some OTHER voice is going "you can't say that about Catholicism, that's terrible!" and yet another voice is whining, "I'm not saying _I_ feel that way; that's my MOM talking" (and let me just say this: being from the South, my mom had lots of other prejudices we won't mention here.)

So there's this bizarre inner dialog going on about actually displaying the image here: should I or shouldn't I, should I explain or justify,  and that all-too-familiar one: WhatWillPeopleTHINK?  Some part of me loves this picture, and some other part of me is rolling her eyes and going "That is SO not Okay!"  No WONDER artists can feel paralyzed at times -- it's like Isaac Asimov's story, "I, Robot" (have I mentioned this one before?).

That's the story where a robot gets out of control and the way they finally disable it is to give it conflicting instructions: the internal conflict burns out the circuitry and the robot subsides in a pile of sparks and smoke.

And now, looking at this image, I can see the sparks in the distance, and the smoke as well, and through it all the Virgin Mary is standing in this very cool place, her hands out in this calm acceptance and blessing, "speaking words of wisdom"... in the midst of an image whose initial  essence is founded on chemical disintegration.  And what is she saying?

Well, at the moment, it looks to me like she's saying, "This is life: highs and lows, mountains and valleys, fire and smoke and flame and ashes and cool waters, each in their turn.  That's just how it is -- so deal with it.  ... and I love you, through it all."

... or, in the Beatles' translation, "Let it be, let it be."

Jeez.  She even kinda SOUNDS tacky.  But I still love her.

1 comment:

S. Etole said...

I like it ... a lot!