I didn't take the time

This is what I did not do yesterday: sit.

Which is not to say I didn't spend time in a chair; I spent LOTS of time in my office chair.  But I didn't sit.

I didn't walk, either: I set out once, but my cat followed me and the rain started up again, so I headed back.

And all day I felt disoriented, at odds with myself.  I could say it's because my husband is away.  But it's also because I didn't sit.  I didn't take the time to just be -- I was doing, doing, doing, all day; mentally running through my to-do list, creating new items, checking them off, wondering what I'd forgotten, worrying...

I did a lot of writing, and a lot of blog designing.  I took care of tasks I've been ignoring for months. 

But I didn't sit.

And, oh, the relief this morning, when I finally took the time to do the one thing I most needed to do yesterday. I took the time -- made the time -- to sit.  To breathe. To greet again the loving presence that rests within, that which warms me like an eternal flame.  To listen, and empty, and listen again.

And as peace descends, I wonder: what made me think I would even want to go a day without this?