When Mary Poppins ages...

As women, many of us learn all too early how vulnerable we are, and how dangerous the world can be. But what do we do with that knowledge? Is it possible to be defended and open at the same time?

I caught sight of this statue while driving home from my retreat on the Hood Canal yesterday, and thought how much she resembles a persona I tend to think of as "The Church Lady." We've all met these women, or at least read of them, or seen them on TV: fiercely upright and righteous, fiercely protective of the way things were or "should be." And, at least according to Nathaniel Hawthorne, this outwardly forbidding and stuffy character often masks some sort of inner depravity; she is as vigilant in stuffing down her own sinful impulses as she is in spotting them in others.

I know, also, that she forms a part of my own character, one of the many archetypes that lurk in there, occasionally leaping to the foreground in defense of some long-held (and usually specious) belief. She is the un-generous one, who operates out of scarcity, keeping what might be needed someday rather than sharing with someone who needs it now. She is the one who keeps both the whining and the wildness under wraps. And, of course, she is also protecting all that is most deeply vulnerable within me.

But it's very hard to love her, particularly as hers is the face we dread to see in our own, looking in the mirror as we age: those drooping jowls, those increasingly squinty eyes, the mouth which droops at the corners -- the natural effects of the loosening skin and gravity that accompany age -- all seem to signify years of repression, anger, and rigidity.

I know that part of coming to self-knowledge is learning to love all the parts of your self, including your shadow. But I confess that this one is definitely a challenge... Perhaps I just need to remember that she willingly opens that umbrella she carries for the unseen child at her side, and that the hand which clutches the purse will also willingly dole out a penny for candy. And when she bends down to help the little ones, her face will crease into a lovely and tender smile.