Thursday, September 2, 2010

Getting hooked, and letting go

I knew meditation would be challenging this morning: my daughter and her friend decided to visit friends in Canada yesterday, and got held up at the border.  The last I heard from her was 9:00 last night, and they were still stuck at the border (after leaving around 9:30 yesterday morning!) so I have no idea where they are, or where they spent the night.

They're old enough to cope, of course -- and Canada is not exactly a third world country.  But some part of me keeps getting hooked into worrying, so I'm just trying to be conscious about letting it go.

Which is the blessing of Centering Prayer, of course: it's ALL about letting go, releasing the things that hook us.  But that's not always easy -- and I'm thinking there's a blessing in that.  When I notice things are particularly difficult to release, it's an opportunity to take a look at what's in play.  Why am I not releasing?  What does that say about me, about my faith, about my relationship with the universe?

Those are all good questions to look at.  But in the end, for now, those questions feel like hooks as well.  So perhaps I just accept that for now, this is how it is: I'm a mom, I worry, and she's probably fine.  And even if she isn't, there's nothing I can do about it from here; for one thing, I don't have a clue where they were planning to cross the border.

All I can do is breathe.  And practice Tonglen: breathe in, for worried mothers everywhere; breathe out any comfort I can share.

We're all moms together.

(Late breaking news: she finally made it into Canada after a 24 hour delay; hurray!)


Anyes said...

You raised your child and gave her all the tools she needs. She is safe :-)
Even though it's very hard for both of you, letting go is the only way she will come back...
Does it make sense?

Louise Gallagher said...

Ah Diane -- it is that place where we as mother's must share our strength, experience and encouragement -- as they say in AlAnon, and know, our children are not 'ours' -- they are their own selves. I too struggle with this -- I love the idea of We're all moms together -- thank you! And I'm so glad she made it! We're a nice bunch of people -- honest :) very welcoming too :) just sometimes slow on the uptake.