I spent much of my class time yesterday in discussions designed to help us get closer to knowing what it is we were "born to do." Which could, of course, be another way of looking at "according to thy will" -- what is it we were created for, and who really knows the answer to that question? And why does the answer seem to change from one day to the next?
I came home to find a job description in my mailbox, for a part-time job, a job working for the church, that I could do relatively easily and still probably have time for blogging and schoolwork. So I sat down at my computer, worked up a resume and a cover letter... and then I couldn't hit the send button. The files are still open on my computer, but thinking about sending the note made my stomach clench and my throat close up.
I love coincidences, and love it when opportunities fall into my lap; that usually feels like something I should follow up on. And it's certainly true that someone in this house needs to get a job. But I think we also have to listen to those gut feelings. And though my reading this morning (and yesterday) encourages me to practice saying yes, I did make a vow -- in both of my classes -- to spend more time listening to my intuition.
And so, this morning, I choose to look at Mary and see, instead of obedience, a willingness to listen; to see that downcast head as a sign of attentiveness to her own inner workings and instincts. Because if I say that I believe God lives within each of us, then I have to believe God lives in me as well, and trust that that anxious churning I feel, deep inside, is some valued piece of me turning away from what looks like a perfect opportunity -- to do something I CAN do, could get PAID to do, but don't necessarily WANT to do. It's an act of trust, really: I just have to trust that when the right job comes along, it will be something I know I will love -- and I'll know it when I see it.
So I AM saying yes today -- just not to the job. I'm saying yes to my intuition -- and hoping that will be the right thing to do.
6 comments:
To say yes to something you don't want to do would not be true to you. Desperation sends us down paths we're not meant to be. Intuition help us keep the path we're looking for clear of side trails that go nowhere while taking our energy.
Diane, were you aware that obedience is rooted in the Latin 'ob-audare' - to listen, & not, as we (women?) might sometimes assume, in submission and/or doing anything contrary to what is Right (in the sense that you well intuit). Blessings on your path.
This is such a perfect example of finding a way to say YES to your life. I think you are spot on following your intuition and not pushing that button. That "gut" has a lot to tell us. I suspect Reality will bring you paying work that honors your talents and gifts. Being open is the first step. Great post today.
Saying yes to what the 'world' would term security can often be the thing that steals our joy, our peace and be a form of bondage we then need to fight to get out of.
Saying no to a good paying job w/ benefits, to one of self-employment where I depend on God to provide the clients is a HUGE step in saying yes to 'me', what I need, what is important to me. BUT, even bigger than 'me' is saying yes to God, that . . . yes, I trust You to provide for me, I trust You to look after the details of my life, saying Yes, I want the growing intimacy with You, my family & friends that a slower life-style and flexible hours will provide.
It's also saying NO to the rat race and yes to dancing to the tune within me.
Life has to work for me too, not just everyone BUT me.
Blessings and thanks for sharing
Listening to that soft, gentle impulse that refuses to push "send" ... what a gift to yourself. Every listening is a strengthening of self. Sometime in the not-too-distant future, you'll look back and say, "Oh, that's why I didn't take that job." Very cool.
Bravo!
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