Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Just do it!

This odd phrase came to me in the middle of a strangely dream-ridden meditation this morning: it was (instead of Gentlemen, Start Your Engines!) "Gentlemen: Start Your Demons!"

I think it was somehow connected to what I've been reading, both in Toward a Psychology of Awakening and in Soul Without Shame (which I'm reading in my book group). Both books address the subject of facing your demons and reaping the energy they have to offer. 

But for whatever reason (and there are plenty of possible reasons at the moment) the clarity I usually feel around such issues is living behind a sort of haze, like this beautiful old window, whose lovely glow is subdued by the screen that stands in front of it.  If I do have engines that could be fueled by my demons, well... they're kind of clogged at the moment.

Listening to people talk in my book group this morning, I could remember what it feels like to have purpose and will.  But I couldn't seem to access that; couldn't seem to get past all the startling events and conversations of the weekend into a space where I could process them.  So I just sat, admiring all the good work everyone is doing, noticing where I felt connected to what they were saying, wishing I could climb out of whatever hole I was in.

-- and it's all good.  I'm not depressed or anything; just feeling overwhelmed and a bit hazy.  So I'm giving myself permission, patting myself on the back for finishing the project I needed to finish this afternoon, and then I think -- even though I have to prepare for a presentation tomorrow -- I think I'll just go sit.  Relax.  Chill out.

Sometimes we just need to give ourselves permission to go off-line.  Take a deep breath.  Vedge out.

Just do it!

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