Where the power lies

Have you ever noticed how attached we get to our normal routines?  Is this a sign of age, or are we always inclined to tread familiar paths?  And are some of us more stuck-in-the-mud than others?

We've been having some intriguing discussions lately about where power lies in relationships, and I find myself wondering if the answers to those questions might not be somewhat driven by the answer to that stick-in-the-mud question. 

As in -- I am more stuck, more inclined to like things a certain way than my husband.  And he's reasonably willing to accommodate that.  So does that mean I have more power in the relationship than he does?  I suspect that he sometimes feels that way.

On the other hand, I tend to be more attuned to his unspoken wishes than he is to mine, and I will often adapt behaviors or directions based on my sense of what he's feeling or where he's going.  Does that mean he has more power in the relationship?  Or do I, by virtue of his reluctance to assess and articulate his needs and longings, just automatically have the power?

Because I believe the power is fairly evenly balanced for us -- and always has been -- these questions can have a certain playfulness to them.  But when the power balance gets off -- and we've all seen relationships where that is true -- it isn't always necessarily the person who openly articulates his or her needs who has the power.  Because that passive-aggressive manipulative "never-mind-I'll-sit-in-the-dark" style can have enormous power when the partner is highly sensitive, easily manipulated, or very insecure.

So what does this have to do with this picture?  I stared at it for quite a while before starting to write this morning, trying to get my bearings after having been awakened rather suddenly.  And I think it has something to do with the kind of open sunny nature of the upper section and the dark and looming nature of the lower section.  The upper section seems very floaty, but the cloud-shaped portion of the lower section has a lot of drive and contrast to it, almost like a fist.  Maybe the implication is simply that there's a lot of power in the unconscious, in the darker parts of our psyches that drive us.  But given the subject that sprang to mind, this issue of power in relationships, I'm thinking this is a reminder that where the power lies may not always be obvious...