Which was fun, actually, because yesterday was quite a full day: I had a friend and former classmate over for lunch, another friend stopped by in the afternoon, and we had a little dinner party last night -- our first such evening in rather a long time, as we don't seem to entertain much any more -- and what I'm sensing this morning is a lovely open feeling.
Though I'm sure you could say it stems from having opened our home to guests, I think it also stems from the nature of the guests and of the conversation. People were being very real and open, both in the afternoon's conversation and around the table last night, and a lot of love and acceptance seemed to be flowing there -- even though two of the couples were meeting for the first time, and their men were definitely strong and opinionated.
It reminds me a bit of what I am learning in school, much of which seems to revolve around the importance of creating -- and holding -- a space in which people can safely and honestly express their own pieces of the picture, understanding that each perception is partial, and valid, and has value (I do think those last two are slightly different and both important).
It also helps me realize the importance of the work I'm doing in my study group around Soul Without Shame. Because it used to be that after a day like yesterday, full of expansion and warm feelings, my superego -- having internalized the voices of my mother and ex-husband -- would kick in and judge me, playing should games (you should not have said that, you should have warmed the dinner more, you should have offered the soup... that sort of thing), trying to bring me back down to size.
And today I am just smiling at those thoughts, observing and releasing them. Because some part of me now understands that what is, is. It doesn't have to be anything other than what it is.
... and it's all good.
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