Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Lost in color

This morning I had the same dream, 3 times in a row. I was in some sort of electronics superstore -- quite possibly Fry's, in Seattle -- and there were rows of software, all in shades of viridian (a sort of yellow green; for more about shades of green visit here), and two poles in a sort of heliotrope color with metal triangles on them.

After the third time through, I woke up and lay there for a while, thinking about how to paint the dream: which part to paint first, how to get the triangles to look metallic, which to mask first... and finally I gave up and went downstairs, got my coffee, and started painting a mini version, just with watercolor pencils.

It was an interesting exercise; I was using contac paper as a mask and it was not quite as effective as I'd have liked, but I was soon done. I read a couple of pages in the David Richo book, and then went to meditate, wondering in the back of my head what the point of all this was. And several things happened in the meditation...

1. I realized that the yellow-green color was all the parts of me that are feeling anxious and in flux lately, and that the magenta/heliotrope parts are still there, solid, grounded, connected, holding me together and guiding me forward.

2. I realized I could take it to the computer and fix the smudgy places. (My inner perfectionist at work).

3. I realized I could recreate the image with pieces of photographs, and that would be fun.

4. I realized that if I wrote a poem about it, I could read the poem aloud and create a video that would slowly evolve from the original to the photographed version and back again.

5. I realized that all this creativity could take up an entire day (what fun!).

6. I realized that if were to start working at a "real" job -- I applied for one this week, because my husband is still unemployed -- I wouldn't get to do this stuff, either the spiritual parts OR the creative parts (assuming those two things are separate, which they aren't, really).

and 7. I realized that it was the sense of loss around that that was making up all the slimy green stuff that was swirling around.

and 8. I was transported into this lovely open connected place where the purple and green and inside and outside were all one, and all filled with joy.

And then, suddenly, the clock chimed and I realized I'd been sitting, lost in color, for about 25 minutes.

So I went to the computer, fixed the painting, and created the photographic version you see here. And now I have to take my dog to the groomers. But I'm going to come back and make the video; I am determined. So stay tuned: if I can pull this off, I'll post it here.


Joyce Wycoff said...

What a morning! I will wait for the video with great anticipation. You are an inspiration!

Maureen said...

Three times the same dream, and so vivid. I'm in awe.

So much creativity. Give in to it. It's what keeps your spirit enlivened.

I'm sorry to learn about your husband's employment situation. I hope, though, that if you do have to "start working at a 'real job'" that you'll still give yourself the "me time" that's so important. I learned the hard way that giving up the latter serves no one well, least of all me.

Thinking of you.

Kimberly Mason said...