Sunday, June 28, 2009

Have compassion, will travel

This morning I headed off to church, worrying a little that the friend I'd offended earlier in the week might still be carrying some anger, not knowing how all that would play out.

And I realized as I drove that for some reason there is a part of me that assumes whatever sins I commit are unforgiveable -- pretty curious, given my faith and my almost-25-year marriage to the forgivingest man alive. So somewhere in my past -- and I can probably trace it to my mom -- I got the message that if I screw up I will be cut off forever from the person I offended.

Something tells me that there's something in me that believes that's true of God as well; that if I screw up, I'll be out of favor and punished heartily. Which goes completely against what I thought I believed. Intellectually I get that though there are times I may be foundering, eventually the tides will rise again and I'll be floating free again, ready to sail. But apparently that belief isn't fully planted in me -- which probably explains why I'm not more accepting of myself.

My husband sent me a link to Wired magazine yesterday -- it was an article about how people hear differently out of their left ears than their right ears -- and on the site there was another link to an article, also in Wired, about how people who are more compassionate with themselves have higher self-esteem.

So now I'm thinking maybe I need to do some more work in that arena.

How about you?

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