From failure to possibility

My husband has three siblings, and they live at the four corners of the country -- NJ, FL, CA and WA. We make it a practice to spend Thanksgiving together, so we rotate back and forth between east and west coast, and every year go to a different location.

Several years ago, back before I was shooting digitally, the annual Walker Family Thanksgiving took place in Santa Fe. I loved everything about Santa Fe: it was beautiful, the architecture was striking, the galleries were full of inspiring art, and, best of all, there was a welcoming spirit about the place that made me feel like I'd been born to spend time there.

My camera and I were ecstatic: I shot 17 rolls of film and couldn't wait to develop them. But when they came back from the camera shop, all of them were sort of gray and fuzzy-looking: apparently the xray equipment at the airport had damaged the film. I remember being absolutely devastated by this turn of events: I even scanned this one in to see if I could somehow photoshop it into some semblance of what I saw when I took the photo, but my photoshop expertise wasn't up to the challenge.

While looking for a photo to post today -- I'm trying to stick to my practice of letting the photos come first -- I found that old effort and played with it a bit more; now it at least has a sort of interesting atmospheric quality to it. And what I realized in doing that, in coming back to this old and rather spectacular failure, is not only that those images may well be redeemable after all -- my photoshop skills have improved a lot in the last 6 or 7 years -- but also that maybe now, this summer, would be a great time to revisit that place which was so beautiful, where I felt so amazingly at home and welcomed.

I've been feeling rather cranky about our finances lately, and regretting the fact that their slump coincides with our big anniversary/birthday summer, and this whole idea has really lifted my spirits: I've already emailed my husband and put the London trip on hold... ooh! maybe we could do the other thing I've always wanted to do: the houseboat on Lake Powell, and Antelope Canyon!

But the fact is that I have to give credit for my uplifted mood and change of heart where credit is due. This morning I was given a wonderful Rumi poem, which both made me cry and reminded me of all the possibilities and love that abound in this fragile life of ours: It's called The Divine Customer.

If you want a customer who will pay in gold,
could there be a better customer than God, O my heart?
He buys our dirty bag of goods,
and in return gives us an inner light that borrows from His splendor.
He receives the dissolving ice of this mortal body
and gives a kingdom beyond imagining.
He takes a few tear drops,
and gives a spiritual spring so delicious
sugar is jealous of its sweetness.
If any doubt waylays you,
rely upon the spiritual traders, the prophets.
The Divine Ruler increased their fortune so greatly,
no mountain could bear what they've been given.

[Rumi, Mathnawi VI, 879-882; 886-887]

I would like to thank the folks at Spirituality and Practice for setting up this wonderful collection of Rumi poetry: it's been an amazing blessing for me. And I especially thank that amazing poet, Rumi, for reminding me of the fountain of blessings that lies at the center of everything.