Friday, March 17, 2017

Control issues

Just because I'm not all "My way or the highway" doesn't mean I don't have control issues. It's just that they're not about controlling outcome; they're about controlling process.

This came to me this morning as I was reflecting on a number of issues -- the dreams I had last night after watching a local production of August, Osage County; a recent decision to leave a board I serve; and painting -- always painting.

It's really about impatience, I think: I'm always itching for resolution, and I don't have a lot of patience for what it takes to get there. As a mother, I noticed it was impatience that made it hard for me to let my children learn to do things themselves. 

As a meeting leader and participant, I grow impatient with deliberation, endless discussion, and indecision.  And as a painter, I have trouble allowing paintings the time they need to evolve, even though the reason I took up painting was because of the pleasure I found in working with paint, brushes, and the various techniques required to bring a work to completion.

So my question today is this: what is it I'm rushing toward, and why is it so important? What could I possibly accomplish that would have more value than the work it takes to get there? And when will I stop itching for the future, and just appreciate what's Now?

No comments: