Freedom to embrace imperfection

This is the painting I put on the postcard I sent out to announce tonight's opening of my new exhibit, in the lobby of our local performing arts center. 

Tonight's also the official opening for our annual One-Act Festival, but there's always a pay-what-you-can preview on the Thursday before, so, since I have several friends in the production, I decided to attend last night -- which meant I got a sneak preview of reactions to my paintings as well.

It was pretty amusing, actually... there was a young girl there, one I've acted with in several plays, who loved the paintings and was quite effusive about them.  "They look like they're something, only they're not!" she said, "I LOVE that!"

Several adults in the room were somewhat less enthusiastic; it was a bit awkward watching them struggle for something nice to say.  I wanted to say, "It's okay if you don't like my paintings -- I totally get that this style is not for everyone!" and that I wouldn't take the rejection personally.  My favorite compromise statement was that it looked like I'd had fun throwing paint at the canvas. "Are there actually any brush strokes here?" said another.  And then there were the folks who couldn't quite look me in the eye, and I found myself wondering, "Do I look too hopeful?"

How can I communicate this -- that I feel so differently about this exhibit than I have about showing my photos in the past; that I don't need people to love the paintings, I just wanted to share the exuberant spirit that flows through them?  When I confessed to the little girl that I'd only been painting for a year, I could see her eyes light up: the thought that paintings don't have to look like something was clearly every bit as freeing for her as it has been for me.  So maybe that's the point of the exhibit: maybe it will help free others to play, to explore, and to embrace imperfection...

Co-Creation

"All of the great wisdom traditions want to awaken us to the fact that we co-create the reality in which we live. And all of them ask two questions intended to help keep us awake:

"What are we sending from within ourselves out into the world, and what impact is it having 'out there'?

"What is the world sending back at us, and what impact is it having 'in here'?

"We are continually engaged in the co-creation of self and world -- and we have the power to choose, moment by moment, between that which gives life and that which deals death."

-- Parker Palmer

Perception

 

What we perceive as a locked door

may simply be an invitation

to step off the page...

Liberty

"Liberty is not built on the doctrine that a few nobles have the right to inherit the earth. No. NO! It stands on this principle: that the meanest, and the lowest of people ARE, by the unalterable and indefeasible laws of God and nature as well entitled to the benefit of air to breathe, light to see, food to eat, and clothes to wear as the nobles or the king! THAT is LIBERTY. And Liberty will reign in America!”

-- John Adams

 Words still as true, and as revolutionary, today as when they were first uttered...

Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea

This morning, in Evelyn Underhill's Mysticism, I read that she considers mysticism and magic to be at opposite ends of the religious spectrum.  Mysticism, she says, is driven by love, an all-encompassing desire for union with the Divine, while magic, on the other hand, is driven by the intellect, and is seeking some benefit for the self.

I found that discouraging, I confess: my daily meditations are certainly driven more by the understanding that I don't actually function all that well without them, and by the certainty that what creativity I have is surely fueled by that quiet time.

But the truth is -- I find it extremely difficult to love that which I fear.  And while on those rare and brief occasions when I have been touched by the Divine I have found that touch to be inexpressibly tender; a love more filling and complete than anything I have experienced at a human level, the fact remains that I was raised to fear God (a) and (b) I sometimes feel I have only begun to find myself, the true being at my core, and a large part of me does not wish to lose that sense of self in Divine Union.

It's a bit like the ocean: I know how lovely it can be to float in the water, how supported I feel by it.  And it's beautiful -- which is why I choose to live at sea level: the sight of it is endlessly satisfying.  But overall I am terrified of its elemental power, and on mornings like this one, when the tide is high and the wind out of the north sends the waves crashing to the beach just beyond my window, there is a tension between enjoyment of the beauty of it and a deep-rooted fear of that power.

So I was reassured to read on and find that the Artist can actually reside on the mystical end of that spectrum; that her job is to tap into the Divine and then to carry that back into expression.  It's not purely self-serving, but driven by a tension between the longing for the divine and the desire to communicate its glory back to humanity.

That said -- the very fact that I worry about whether I fall on the magical or mystical end probably indicates that there's some truth here; that my shadow self is probably feeling a bit exposed...  Always good to be aware of that...

Blessings in the stillness

"Blessed art thou therefore 

if thou canst stand still from self thinking and self willing, 

and canst stop the wheel of thy imagination and senses." 

Jacob Boehme

Drop the knife

Once a young woman said to me,
"Hafiz, what is the sign
of someone who knows God?"

I became very quiet,
looked deep into her eyes,
and then replied,

"My dear, they have dropped the knife.
Someone who knows God
has dropped the cruel knife
that most so often use
upon their tender self and others."

  -- Hafiz